Well now – that was fast!  Once again I have been away from this for too long.  We officially only have another 23 or so days of summer.  School is in session and we are watching the number of hours of the light of day diminish.  I have a love/hate relationship with autumn.  I love the smell, the colors, the crisp air, the clothes, the fairs, the food and most of the other things that are great about autumn.  My body, heart and soul like the light.  My ability to enjoy autumn is often shadowed by the uninvited and unjustified grief that my heart feels every year at this time.  I have a permanent sadness that lives in me (aka Clinical Depression) but I don’t notice it as much as I do during this time of year. I, even though you may think it odd, feel uncomfortable being completely without it.  It’s all about balance though, right?  When the days are shorter and cooler, my heart gets heavier and heavier.  Perhaps that is why God made the season of autumn so glorious!  Perhaps when I start to intentionally look for my favorite things because I’m feeling blue, it’s not hard to find them.  No one ever said life is supposed to be perfect and it sure isn’t.  The beauty in this world certainly is greater than the unpleasant.  Sometimes during struggles it’s hard to see but it’s there. 
 
I want to focus on something I’ve noticed all along but lately it’s been on my mind a lot and I feel like I should write about it.  The people who are unhappy are often the people who are most critical of others.  I am not saying that I’m never critical but it takes a lot for me to think poorly of anyone individually.  I’m thinking about those people who size up other people, stranger or well acquainted, constantly and find everything they can that they don’t like about them.  Lots of times critical people talk about their judgment of others as though what they say is what everyone needs to see.   Sometimes those people can influence others to the point where it could cause problems for the one who has no idea they are being discussed.  That is certainly cause for concern but isn’t really the crux of my point.  What I’ve noticed most about that type of person is that they don’t much look inward, toward their own selves to see how imperfect they are.  If they do, they may likely feel badly and look away so they can push it all away and enjoy their critical nature.  Perhaps what I wish most is that they looked intently at themselves and accepted themselves with every imperfection.  Maybe then, accepting that all people are imperfect, and looking for the good instead of the bad might make life a happier place altogether for them.  One of my favorite sayings is, “Everyone has a story”.  I say that to myself when I’m being critical.  Yes people do things that I don’t agree with.  When I think about people who offend me, I try to think, “Everyone has a story”.    
 
I don’t really know why I wanted to write about this.  I like to be encouraging.  I know I am tired of people condemning others because of their beliefs. I am a Christian and I am under criticism all the time from both non Christian individuals and Christian individuals. One group criticizes me because I’m too judgmental or too irrational or too whatever - and the other because I’m too liberal, too accepting or too whatever.  Both sides usually know nothing about me even though some think they know everything.  If they took one moment to just talk to me, they’d find out they are probably mostly wrong about the things he or she assumed about me.  This is a situation that is applicable to most people. Another reason I might be writing this is that I am tired of seeing Donald Trump AND Hillary Clinton social media posts about what terrible people they are and what they did, said or thought.  I know it’s important to have information about them because we will have to vote for someone.  It is difficult to sift through the massive amounts of information out there that may or may not be true.  Maybe I'm writing because I don’t like the level of racism that exists that has been brought into the light.  I’ve seen it first hand and it’s an ugly thing.  I don’t know, maybe I want people to stop being so critical so they are better able to be loving – or at least not hateful.  Perhaps writing it will help someone else who is feeling the same way I’m feeling. Like I said, I'm not really sure why I feel such a strong need to put this out there.  I just do.  
 
What I do know is that I’m thankful that I have one place where I can go to find peace, contentment and a love that is beyond my understanding.  I am a Christian – not because I’m perfect but because I need His forgiveness and grace.  Jesus is my hiding place and my shield.  He is real, people.  He’s not a fairy tale and I am BAT CRAZY IN LOVE WITH JESUS!!  If you need rest, ask Christ to come into your heart.  If you’ve read this and you think I’m something you don’t like or want me to be, well, I will say no more.  Everyone has a story.

​Well it sure has been awhile!!  Time has gotten far away from me.  With a lot of things going on, I’ve neglected this blog and it feels like I was posting the last entry just days ago.  We went to Colorado and had a fantastic time.  I took many photos but the weather was lousy while we were there so I was limited in regard to scenic photos.  Here are some of my favorites:

​I’ve also done a lot of photography of bees.  My son’s business http://bennybeehoney.com/ is my motivation.  Here are a couple of my favorites:

​I’ve taken a liking to flower photography as well.  Here are some of my favorite flower photos:

Last time I posted, I said I was going to go take some photos of interesting things I might find.  Well, as we all know, plans can change.  I did not take photos that day or any day for quite a while.  No amount of planning can prevent changes and a change of plans.  I finally did get to take several photos over a few days scattered through the last several weeks and I've updated the website with them.  I'm ready for warm weather.  For now I have photos of warm days. 

A lot of great music is coming our way this year!  This month in just a few short weeks, I will be seeing Jonathan Edwards (Sunshine) and Mudcrutch (Tom Petty's original band) and later Sara Watkins (Of Nickel Creek) and Keith Urban.  There is a certain quality to the music I love most that I've not been able to identify clearly until today.  It's obvious really, but I didn't get it.  The musicians I love are singers who have a deep emotion to their voices when they sing their songs or anyone else's songs.  They are owners of lonely hearts.  I am one of those people.  I never liked admitting that.  I can't really say why it was so embarrassing to me but now - I don't really care so much what people think any more.  I'm sure I'm a very different person than the musicians that move me most.  I do think, though, that perhaps they'd agree with my sentiment.  I've enjoyed many musicians' music like Jonathan Edwards, Tom Petty, Kenny White, Sara Watkins, Bonnie Raitt, and more recently, Keith Urban.  I think - and I could be off on this 100% but - that they are people who feel things very deeply.  I think that is the reason I love their music.  

​My musings are rather random and so, who knows what you might find here next time.  Happy Spring and really - go see some live music.  Just do it.  

I'm proud of being from Massachusetts.  I've lived here all my life.  I've traveled to many other states and even a couple of different countries.  Massachusetts is home for me.  April 15, 2013 - a perfect example of how resilient a Mass-hole (as we are so lovingly referred to) can be.  Here we are, 3 years later and another Boston Marathon is being run as I write this blog.  The first place runners are crossing the finish line right now.  We get up and keep going.  That is just how it is.  

Today, after I write this blog, I will go find some interesting things to take photos of.  It's a balmy 70 degrees out and it's the first sunny day that I've been available to take pictures.  I'm excited.  I love what I'm doing.  Please, feel free to contact me to set up a photo shoot.  I won't post this often but, if you want some photos and you don't have quite enough dough, it might be worth it to ask me about my photography anyway.  After all, I am trying to build up a good portfolio.  Perhaps you could be part of that.

Well - I'm off.  Happy Patriots Day!!  Don't forget to thank our first responders today and every day!  

Now that Easter is over and Spring is upon us, I am booking appointments.  If you are looking for portraits, you are in luck!  For a limited time, I am offering full photo packages for $50.  This includes the  session, set-up, photo discs of up to 20 frames and either five 5 x 7 prints, three 5 x 7 and one 8 x 10 or two 8 x 10 prints.  Customer's choice.  

Who could have known that my favorite job so far in my life would also be the one that I make the least money at and am more tired when I get home than any other job I've ever had?  

I'm a substitute teacher!  I love it!  I love these children!  Every one of them.  Within moments I can be told, "You look pretty" by one child and "I don't like you" by another and both comments sound as sweet to me as anything I've heard.  I have it easy.  I get to go in, be a blessing to the teacher because they get a much deserved break.  I also get to be a blessing to the children.  Most of all, I am blessed to be able to be a part of these sweet lives.  I guess it's been a while.  I forgot that every child, at every age is such a precious soul.  The middle school aged children are independent and yet still children.  The high school aged children are really more adult than child but they still have so much more to do and learn.  They are excited and expectant about their future without realizing that they lack experience.  Even though young people lack experience, they have an abundance of fearlessness.  They are excited about the future.  Then there are the elementary children.  Oh my heart.  I can't contain it sometimes.  I met three little guys last week and I spent the day with them.  They are "on the spectrum".  We became fast friends that day and I look forward to being their teacher again.  It hasn't been very long since I started but I know I don't want to stop!  

I also had the pleasure of delivering my favorite set of family photos so far last weekend.  Here are a few of my favorite shots:

I hope that in time, people will book appointments and I will be able to bless families with cherished photos more often!  I loved the look on the Momma's face when she saw her sweet babies' faces!  That was the best part!

If you would like to make an appointment, please email me at bonnie@candbcreative.com. 

4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? 6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you....

None of us is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  We all do things that bring negative consequences.  Today, I will tell you that I am a bad Christian according to what God wants from us that is stated in the Bible.   I say this because I don't evangelize the way I should.  I'm going to step out today and try to do God's will instead of my own.  I certainly live my faith out loud and if you know me at all, you know that I love the Lord and that I'm a Christian.  I lack the desire to try to convince anyone that I'm right and they're wrong.  Why?  I guess I believe that I can't convince people of what they don't want to hear.  "It's their choice" I say.  In this way, I try to be a friend of the world.  I love everyone, Christian or not.  But if I do love you, then I can't just let someone who doesn't know Christ go to hell, right?  It is a choice.  It's a life or death choice.  If you don't know Jesus as Lord and Savior when you die then you go to hell.  It's not because you're being punished for being bad.  It's because Jesus is God of Heaven and Earth and He gave us a way to avoid going to hell for all eternity.  There was no going to heaven before Christ died for us.  It's the truth and I know it because of God's faithfulness to me every day.  I don't live a charmed life.  Things go wrong for me and things go right for me.  I'm a sinner just like everyone else.  But I am loved and I am precious.  Perhaps to the world I'm nothing all that important but to God I am his beloved creation.  You are too.  I'm not right about this because I want to be right.  I'm right about this because God is who He says He is and He has proved that to me over and over and over for 25 years.  I didn't decide who God was going to be.  I'm sure glad I have Him as my boss, teacher, leader, friend, confidant, Father and so much more, 

Frankly, I'm at a loss when I think of people who don't know Christ as their personal savior.  How does a person get through the pain and heartache of life without Him?  I do not seek friendship with the world.  Yet, I have refused to tell a person that they need Jesus in this life certainly but even more so in our eternal lives.  I want that to be different today.  I can't promise you that I will be able to be this bold in person but this is a start.

xo!  
​Bonnie

God is good.  I don't have a ton to write right now but in a few weeks I will have more photos to post that will show some of my style and whatnot.  There is change in the air.  There is a bit of trepidation on my part waiting for the change to come.  I am trusting God.  Truly - He has encouraged me with His word and in other unique ways that show just how intimately He knows me.  Where will I be a month from now?  What will I be doing?  Will I like it or will I have to endure it?  Will I have enough sense to rest in God's peace when I need to instead of getting caught up in my own thoughts and emotions?  I don't know.  

​What to do?  Wait and trust.  He is good.  He has always been good and He never changes.

By the way - do you like honey?  My son is a bee keeper and he has some honey left for sale.  This honey is truly the yummiest honey I've ever had.  The location of the hives that this honey is from is abundant in wildflowers and fruit trees.  This combination creates a fruity flavor.  It's just so good I can't use it in recipes because I want to be able to taste the unique flavor it has.  If you want to buy some - go to Facebook and search for Benny Bee Honey or just click here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1622941491179547/  

At every turn I am reminded that I must trust the Lord.  He knows my heart.  I'm so glad He does because he knows that it's not Him I don't trust.  It's me.  Will I continue to see myself through His eyes?  Will I revert back to the person who thinks she doesn't deserve anything good of her own?  Will I miss what God has for me?  Will I choose something else thinking it's the thing He is preparing for me to do?  He is about to do something in my life.  I know this feeling well.  It is a feeling that the Lord puts on my heart when He is about to do something - in order to prepare me.  I don't know what it will be.  It's so me to have so many doubts about myself but when what He is preparing me for arrives - just like every other time - I will know it for sure.  

I consider all of the blessings that have come the same way.  My job at EAW.  I knew that was mine and it was God's leading that led me to it.  I'm so thankful for the people who were a part of me landing there.  The house I bought in Webster.  I was so worried that I would choose the wrong house but when I walked through the door... There is no way to describe it but just to say I knew.  That was that.  The same thing happened when we found the house we live in now.  

The difference between the examples I mention (though there are many, many more) and this time right now, is that I had some idea of what I was waiting for.  This time, I don't know.  I'm hoping it's something related to my future career. I can't go back to what I was doing before.  I can't even look for things there anymore without feeling terrible grief.  My future is somewhere else.  I just don't know what it will be.  

In the meantime I will pray.  I will sing.  I will read.  I will work on what I have to work on.  I have lots of photos to update.  I have a lot to learn about SLR photography - even though I've learned so much already and I am fairly adept at finding the best photo for any environment I've been in.  

I'm hoping you will need to have some photos taken and I will come and document some special part of your life.  

Hello there, it's Bonnie here on a rainy Sunday afternoon.  Church was wonderful and now we're home earlier than we thought we'd be.  What a blessing!  The weather is oddly warm for January.  I'm thankful for that because if it wasn't so warm, this rain would all be snow.  I do like snow but not too much.  

It's time for me to start living the way God calls us to live.  For Him.  Seriously, I've always tried to live for Him by following His word and by providing for my family and myself doing whatever I could find to do - like it or not.  I've never fully trusted that God would allow me to support our household doing something I love to do.  That is what I'm changing in my life.  God has blessed this undertaking at every turn.  I'm so excited to be on a path toward doing something that will bless others.  I don't mind saying that I've always been a "people pleaser".  It's not that I find my own worth in what others think.  It's that it genuinely makes me happy to see others happy.  That's my motive.  

I love all things creative.  I write songs, play guitar, sing, paint, cook, write stories, and...  I take photos.  I hope to bring light to peoples eyes when they receive their pictures.  I also am a real estate sale agent with Coldwell Banker at the Leominster Massachusetts office.  That is another thing that I love to do.  

Eventually, I will include other creative things on this site.  In the future this site will have a gallery but since I've only just begun I am keeping to the basics.  

Ok - have a good week!!